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A Skanker's Life for the Entire World to Read............... [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | Union Rising ]
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The ghost of big ed...... [02 Oct 2008|03:56am]
[ mood | tired ]

Well how de do all my fine livejournal readers, its me your good ole buddy ed coming to ya live at 4 am cause i can't sleep.

I just remembered about 10 mins ago that i had a live journal and i wanted to go back and see what all was in this damn thing.....same old same old.

Its been quite a good 23 weeks since i updated this thing, lets get all of you up to date with my life.....

Im still over at Avalon on 436 by the airport, still working at publix, hey, why leave when they raise my pay just about every 3 months.....

Caryn and I are doing great, we passed the 1 year mark, thats more time with one person than i can ever remember. Times were good, times were tough, and we pushed through to make it out on top.

Plans are in the making for a jump to Ohio....for a little bit and then on to sweet home Chicago....why do you ask.......well my response is why not, and the logical response....ive always wanted to go back there, and her parents live in OH, they offered the upper level to their house, all im waiting on is stuff from publix to see where i stand financially.

Gizmo is doing fantastic, he is 14 months, and 25 lbs, hes a little fatty corgi, but athletic.

I fully intend to find a band or start one if it kills me when i get up there, ive been having the shakes ever since the union broke up down here, once i figure out all the details, it will be up on here.

Isn't it amazing how people are when they show their true skin???

GO CUBBIES!!!!!!!!!

Your 2 cents

I'm Alive............................. [18 Apr 2008|01:51am]
Whats up to all who still read this on a daily basis.......

I'm alive and doing somewhat well, I'm living on 436 by the airport, still working at publix, waiting for the next music project to come around, and ive been waiting a while......

Isn't it amazing the choices you have to make while you grow up........here are some words of wisdom....

"Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up:
These are the best days of our lives.
The only thing that matters
is just following your heart
and eventually you'll finally get it right."

"Feel the pressure
It's getting closer now
You're better off without me"

"Burn it all, let's burn it all;
Let fire fall, let fire fall,
What's done is done, it's in the past, it's ashes.
I'm tired of you; you're tired of me;
I hate the things you said to me,
Now, here's your chance to take it back, It's ashes..."

"when it comes to relationships i'm the dumbest one
and i don't mean just with girls, i mean with everyone
your illustrations always point out just what's wrong with me
it's chapstick, and chapped lips, and things like chemistry"
Your 2 cents

The lyrics that sum up my weekend........ [21 Aug 2007|02:08am]
These are the only words that I have to explain my weekend and how I acted.........I only hope that the people that these are for can understand and forgive............

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.
Your 2 cents

Relieved........ [11 Aug 2007|01:47am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Tonight as I was searching through friends journals to read up and see what was going on......I read one of my "friends" and I was not distraught but disturbed more or less. I don't know how it is you are going to live your life, as of right now, I don't care. I don't know how or why I spent my precious time defending you when all you ever did was keep me down. I don't know why I helped you out the way I did when I did, I thought I was helping a cause, a cause that I thought would go on forever. Now I realize that that was a lost cause, a lost cause because you were a part of the cause. I tried to be your friend, I was your friend, and I meant nothing to you. Just remember, to some of us, our friends are our family, and they are better family then our own blood. Cause friends are the ones that always kick you in the ass when you need a good jump start. That is what family is supposed to do, however sometimes they get lost in helping you out so much that they forget to teach and they nurture so much that is it harmful to the growing process. If only you could see the real world......if only........so I leave you with this.......I can officially say that I am done with you......good luck on whatever lost cause you are onto now, I just hope they don't make the same mistake that I did......that we did....

"It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right. I hope you had the time of your life."

and I leave you with these lyrics....hope they soak in......

"Seventy Times 7"

Back in school they never taught us what we needed to know,
like how to deal with despair, or someone breaking your heart.
For twelve years I've held it all together but a night like this is begging to pull me apart.
I played it quiet, left you deep in conversation.
I felt uncool and hung out around the kitchen.
I remember I kept thinking that I know you never would,
and now I know I want to kill you like only a best friend could.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to.

As if this happening wasn't enough I got to go
and write a song just to remind myself how bad it sucked.
Ignore the sun, the cover's over my head.
I wrote a message on my pillow that says, "Jesse, stay asleep in bed."
So don't apologize. I hope you choke and die.
Search your cell for something with which to hang yourself.
They say you need to pray if you want to go to heaven
but they don't tell you what to say when your whole life has gone to hell.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do
Everyone's caught on to
And everyone's caught on to everything you do (And I can't let you, let me down again.)
Everyone's caught on to (And I can't let you, let me down again)

So, is that what you call a getaway?
Tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.

And is that what you call tact?
You're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back.
So let's end this call, and end this conversation.
and is that what you call a getaway?
well tell me what you got away with.
cause you left the frays from the ties you severed
when you say best friends means friends forever

So, is that what you call a getaway?
Well tell me what you got away with.
Cause I've seen more spine in jellyfish.
I've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids.
Have another drink and drive yourself home.
I hope there's ice on all the roads.
And you can think of me when you forget your seatbelt,
and again when your head goes through the windshield.

Everyone's caught on to everything you do (And I can't let you, let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to (And I can't let you, let me down again)
And everyone's caught on to everything you do (And I can't let you, let me down again)
Everyone's caught on to (And I can't let you, let me down again)

Your 2 cents

Hmm...... [03 Aug 2007|10:22am]
Well lets just say that its been an interesting last 2 weeks. Its great to say that I have met someone awesome and its safe to say that I have a girlfriend now. I haven't had one in about 2 years so its kinda nice right now to have one. Her name is Caryn, and she is cool. She is one of the only females I have dated that can actually sit through a marathon of Family Guy and laugh just as hard as myself at every joke they throw at you. Not that I haven't been happy before, but I am a hell of a lot happier now.

Its odd, she wants to cook for me, and is a great one I may add, cause she already has. I am even taking a trip with her at the end of the month to Ohio to meet her extended family. it'll be a nice break away since I haven't left Florida in about 10 years.

I hope this works out...............
2 Put in their 2 cents| Your 2 cents

Hmmm.... [27 Jul 2007|01:41pm]
Isnt it amazing when you spend the last 5 days with someone and everyday gets better and more amazing then the last....its quite interesting.
1 Put in their 2 cents| Your 2 cents

Acceptance.......... [10 Jul 2007|03:26pm]
Well, today I finally accepted life as I have it now.......

I went back to the funeral parlor to get my dad's death certificates so I have the hard copies for use in the future.

While I was there, I asked if they had his flag from his 21 gun salute they gave him, the main director went to the storage and got it, handed it to me and told me "On behalf of a grateful nation, we thank you."

Well I went back to my car and drove home, it was there in my passenger seat, folded ever so neatly and and stiff. I got teary eyed and finally realized my dad is gone and is no more here physically.

I'm home now, I just needed to write it out so I feel better.......
1 Put in their 2 cents| Your 2 cents

hmm..... [04 Jun 2007|10:29pm]
Have you ever been told your a piece of shit, without being told your a piece of shit?

Cause thats what I feel like just happened.
Your 2 cents

hey....... [14 May 2007|02:22am]
So much for getting a good amount of rest before waking up to go to work today.......

So I made it through the second big test, making it through a parent holiday without any of my parents being here, the good thing is is that I made it through with absolutely no tears, it almost amazed me. Yesterday was mothers day, a day to give moms across the country the chance to sit down and relax and not have to do any motherly duties for 24 hours. My mother.......is doing exactly that, resting, luckily, in peace. Along with my father, they are reunited again for the rest of eternity. I honestly thought that today was gonna be a bad day, thought that it was gonna be just myself and a bottle of jack daniels by my side just to get through the day. However I was thrown a curve, I was drunk last night, and it was loads of fun, met and talked with a girl, got her number and hopefully somethng good or possibly great will come of that. Woke up today with no hangover, just my hair a mess and the blue ink still caked on my right hand. I stayed sober the whole day, minus 2 hours from 10-midnight where Adam and I went to the Ale house to chill out with some friends. I realized that.......it is actually easier to deal with all of this stuff sober. I know any of you would be able to tell me this, and deep down I know that I know this. I just originally thought that drunk was the way to go, that.....if I could numb that feeling that it would help make it go away a whole lot faster. Funny enough, for the first couple years with my mom, it did, and I wasn't such a mess.

On March 17 of this year, it was the anniversary of my mothers death, and i was blitzed beyond belief, and Jen and Billy were there to witness it. It numbed all of my feelings and senses. The humorous thing.....I didn't feel any pain at all.

I don't know why I rely on booze to get me through this particular problem......actually I do know, its the same reason some people drink because they are depressed, or because they hae no money, or because they are living mediocre life. Its all because its a numbing factor that only narcotic drugs can duplicate, and to all of you, don't worry, I have never tried and will never try anything like that.

I think I am done with my rant for the night.
Your 2 cents

[01 May 2007|10:10pm]
I woke up the other day with that alone feeling again. I had a talk with a friend of mine at work, we swapped stories about families and what happened to them. Obviously the topics of my parents came up and I spoke with almost no breaks. I came to the conclusion that I don't think that I showed enough emotion during both of those times. I went home and took a nap, then woke up later with tears in my eyes and a feeling like I'm a piece of shit for not feeling more. i don't know if you my readers actually know the feeling that I feel, and i would never wish that feeling upon anyone. I don't know why this came up so suddenly, something must have triggered it, don't know what, but I am definitely gonna find out or else it is gonna knock me out later.

On a positve side, Cinco de mayo show is sooo on, our time slot is 730-830 and then its "get drunk time"

come on out and have fun with the Union

I wrote this a long time ago before i realized that words don't necessarily have to rhyme, so don't be over critical......


"When you're goin nowhere fast
Life moves pretty goddamned slow....
with only trouble in the way......
But when it comes the time
to rise up and shine.....
thats something no one could ever take away....."
Your 2 cents

The 7th inning stretch [09 Apr 2007|04:21pm]
I wish that one day I can become famous enough to be able to do the traditional 7th inning stretch,which is to sing the song "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" during the middle of the 7th inning at Wrigley Field during a Cubs home game, I would wear my treasured #23 jersey, which is Ryne Sandberg's number, and sing that song extremely out of key, just as everyone else since Harry Carry does. That would be one of the most amazing moments of my life......


Take me out to the ball game
take me out to the crowd,

buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks,
I don't care if i ever get back,

so its root, root root for the CUBBIES............
if they don't win its a shame......

for its 1, 2, 3 strikes your out at the old, ball game!

Your 2 cents

Thursday............. [15 Mar 2007|01:52pm]
Oh how sweet it is, its thursday, I'm off, got a fridge full of beer, a liquor bar in my living room, and its joels birthday, oh man, are we gonna be drunk tonight, happy birthday to him.
Your 2 cents

Life moves pretty fast............ [12 Mar 2007|03:33am]
Well here I am, 3:35 in the am and I am entering an entry, nothing is wrong, I just can't get to sleep right now, I just had a 2 nice glasses of orange run and mt. dew so i am pretty awake.

However, although nothing is wrong i am feeling rather contemplative tonight, as Joel and I sat out on the front deck staring out listening to Relient K, I just started thinking about different things, where I'm going with my life, where I' am in my life, where should i be in my life. I'm not complaining, not one bit, I have the best friends in the world who I know will always be there for me through thick and thin, which is more than I could ever ask for. I was just thinking about things like that. You know what though? I shouldn't be thinking about that because within a short amount of time I will be in a touring band and having the time of my life, which is what I want to do.

I just wondering what things would be like if I had discovered things earlier on in life. If I had pushed my parents to go get regular check ups at the doctors, if so, would my mother be alive today. If I had pushed my father to get insurance and go to the doctors to get diagnosed a hell of a lot earlier, would he have been able to get his radiation therapy and/or surgery done fully to where he wouldn't have that tumor in him and he would be alive today? Why are these things coming to light in my mind right now...........well...........

Just remember that next week saturday is March 17, St. Pattys day, but it is also another significant day for myself, to my friends, you know the day, that is why I hope all of you will be there to help get me drunk and get drunk with me.

And if I start getting all mopey and sad, SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1 Put in their 2 cents| Your 2 cents

hahahahah! [04 Mar 2007|12:08am]
now was there any doubt in any of your minds that this would be any different?

You Are Guinness

You know beer well, and you'll only drink the best beers in the world.
Watered down beers disgust you, as do the people who drink them.
When you drink, you tend to become a bit of a know it all - especially about subjects you don't know well.
But your friends tolerate your drunken ways, because you introduce them to the best beers around.
Your 2 cents

Life is a lot easier now.......... [28 Feb 2007|01:50am]
Well i first off have to say that sunday night went very well and the social now fully respects us. I cant wait till the next time we get to play there. it is just so much fun getting up there and rockin the house with your best friends in the whole world.

In other news, joel has been here for a week and has made things a lot easier, for one, i don't have to get up to an empty house in the morning now, that is one good thing. another is that he can cook his ass off, i just can't wait till we get a full set of groceries in the house, it'll be like living with a skinny emeril lagassee.

I think i can finally say that i am fully back to normal after the shocks that i took this past november, i mean, losing your dad sucks, but i have come to terms with it, accepted it (as if i had a choice in the matter) and have now moved on to bigger and better things. Its not the skozens show anymore, its the Ed show, since it is all me right now, and im siked to get things goin in the right direction. I think the only thing that will top all of this off would be to have a stable girlfriend who doesnt think im too good for her or one that thinks that if we went out she would ruin my life. That is a girl that i don't need, i need someone simple......a girl who likes rock(my rock, the good stuff) can drink beer and stay in and laugh her ass off with me while watching an off the wall comedy. Preferably a girl who can quote old school and/or intelligent movies with the best of them. Thats all i need, besides a cold beer that is!

By the way, Joel and I are headed to chillers tomorrow (wednesday) night for dollar drinks, anyone who wants to join us, feel free, we will be getting there about 11/1130

3 Put in their 2 cents| Your 2 cents

what dreams bring........ [11 Dec 2006|12:05am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Over the past couple of weeks i heave been thinking about myself, life, and what i want to do with it. I thought about the people i love, stand, cant stand and loathe. It has been an interesting set of days, good and bad, which is what life is supposed to bring. The good thing is that i have come to a conclusion about what i am going to do with my remaining time here on earth. Quite honestly if you don't agree with what i am about to say, that is good for you and hope you have a merry time on your way out of my life. But here it goes.....

I want to be a working musician.

I fully realized it today during band practice at matts. There is nothing better than writing music with people you love, making it sound fantastic and wanting to put it on a recording as well as playing it live. From that i want to say this. I want to be in a band for the rest of my life. i am hooked. Almost as bad as uma thurman in Pulp Fiction to coke.

That being said......we have a show dec 20th at the social, its at 7 call if you need any more info......

these are the things that dreams bring to those that want it bad........

1 Put in their 2 cents| Your 2 cents

well what do ya know.......... [22 Nov 2006|08:37pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

So i know its been like 10 years since i have put anything in this thing, but i figured what the hell. A lot has happened in my life over the past week, that i have had to come to terms with. The main factor being that my father passed away last thursday after a 13 month bout with esophogeal cancer. Although it completely sucked that he died, he lived double the life expectancy of those who have that type of cancer, so how could I possibly have asked him to continue on fighting. I only wish that before he passed, he would have gotten a chance to see our beloved Chicago Cubs win a world series. Oh well, that day is rapidly approaching, especially since our recent acquisition of Lou Pinella. He is an awesome manager and will get them back on the right track.

That was the first major factor that hit. Now, I know for a fact that i am not alone in this world, Next to being in a band that is more of a family than just a band, I have a best friend in billy. Man, I can say without a doubt that he is my best friend and will always be. He has been there for me and with me more times then i can ever think of. I can also say that he will be there for me in the future when i need him, and vice versa.

The next thing that i have to deal with is the fact that i may have to move out of my house if the landlord is not merciful. I don't have the kind of money to stay in the house, just by myself. I would love to find a roommate, but the stakes are pretty high. I need to find one that is reliable, responsible, and not a basket case. Good luck on my behalf i say.

As far as the ladies situation is concerned, I have been talking to a few, i don't know yet if i am in a good position to take on a relationship right now, since i have so much to deal with on my plate. But who knows, things may just turn around on my side.

The band is starting to take off in a very good way, we are getting more shows, and starting to get that good tight sound that we have been longing for. I can only hope that soon enough i can say goodbye to Publix and hello to the open road, which means touring, and just playing for a living. I can honestly say that if i could make the same amount playing shows as i am at the store, i would leave it so quickly. However, until then, i am stuck stocking the shelves and dealing with a lot of customer bullshit.

That's pretty much it for my life as of now, if anything changes, you all will probably know about it.

2 Put in their 2 cents| Your 2 cents

woot woot.............. [12 Jun 2005|07:19am]
[ mood | chipper ]

Your IQ Is 100

Your Logical Intelligence is Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Above Average
Your General Knowledge is Above Average

thanks jackie, i am not dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3 Put in their 2 cents| Your 2 cents

[11 Jun 2005|03:05am]
[ mood | drunk ]

yeah, that 3 am rant and pity party for myself was no good, so i erased it, but you can still call me, anybody.....

Your 2 cents

well hmmmmmmmm [01 Jun 2005|11:59am]
[ mood | amused ]

My life has not been as exciting as before, but nonetheless, i must update my life for all of you to read.

work is still there, now they are just letting me get aways with murder, and its grand.

We just booked a show in daytona tomorrow, we are playing with 69 Fingers and Power Movement project, very very good bands that deserve some attention, as well as us.

I just created purevolume and isound accounts for the band, so everyone go there and listen to us, cause we rock and we need your support. We need a big fanbase!

Everybody come out July 10 at Screamers, its a huge ska show and we need your support, The Supervillains are playing, so that is reason enough for you to come on out!

Your 2 cents

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